The tournament continues with the second round, featuring quotes from the 32 remaining characters.
1. Homer Simpson vs 9. Zuko
“You couldn’t fool anyone on the foolingest day of the year if you had an electrified fooling machine.”
“I finally have you. But I can’t get you home because of the blizzard. There’s always something. Not that you would understand. You’re like my sister. Everything always came easy to her. She’s a Firebending prodigy, and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. He says I was lucky to be born. I don’t need luck, though. I don’t want it. I’ve always had to struggle and fight, and that’s made me strong. It made me who I am.”
2. Shrek vs 7. Cosmo
Princess Fiona: Where are you going? The exit’s over there!
Shrek: [going to save Donkey] Well, I have to save my ass.
Princess Fiona: What kind of knight ARE you?
Shrek: One of a kind.
“I hated being a robot. I had no free will, I had to follow orders all the time, it was like being married all over again!! Except with more toast.”
14. Emperor Palpatine vs 6. Doug Funnie
“What do you mean they ‘blew up the death star’? Ah [stream of profanities]. Who’s they? What the @#% is an Aluminum Falcon? Okay, okay, so who’s left? Are you @#$%ing me? Well where were you? Wait a sec, you’ve been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal? You must smell like feet wrapped in leathery burnt bacon.”
“She never said anything about the pimple. Matter of fact, no one did. I guess it just goes to show you: sometimes things don’t turn out as bad as you think they will. But sometimes they turn out a lot worse. But, then again, sometimes they turn out sorta OK, but kinda bad. Well, anyways, the point is, it’s not what’s on your nose that counts… it’s what’s inside. N-no, wait. I didn’t mean that.”
4. Patrick Star vs 5. Donkey
Customer on Phone: Is this the Krusty Krab?
Patrick: No this is Patrick.
“Yeah, right, brimstone. Don’t be talking about no brimstone. I know what I smelled, it wasn’t no brim and it didn’t come off no stone neither…”
1. Obi-Wan Kenobi vs 9. Walt Kowalski
“Very well. The burden is on me not to destroy all the droids before you get there.”
“Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn’t have f—ed with? That’s me.”
2. Gandalf vs 7. Major Richard Winters
Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.
“That night, I thanked God for seeing me through that day of days and prayed I would make it through D plus 1. I also promised that if some way I could get home again, I would find a nice peaceful town and spend the rest of my life in peace.”
3. Cool Hand Luke vs 6. Will Smith
Dragline: Why you got to go and say fifty eggs for? Why not thirty-five or thirty-nine?
Luke: I thought it was a nice round number.
Phillip Banks: Carlton, will you relax? My money makes money. We’re rich!
Carlton: That’s right, we are rich.
Will: If we’re so rich…
[Camera pans up to reveal the studio lights]
Will: …why we ain’t go no ceiling?
4. Jean Valjean vs 5. Benjamin Martin
You are wrong, and always have been wrong. I’m a man no worse than any man. You are free and there are no conditions. no bargains or petitions. There’s nothing that I blame you for. You’ve done your duty, nothing more.
“I’m a parent. I haven’t got the luxury of principles.”
Mentor, Guide, Protector Region
16. Garth vs 8. Qui-Gon Jinn
“Well, a man’s body may grow old, but inside his spirit can still be as young and as restless as ever. And him – in his day, he had more spirit than twenty men.”
Obi-Wan: Do not defy the council, Master, not again.
Qui-Gon Jinn: I shall do what I must, Obi-Wan.
2. Aslan vs 7. Dr. King Schultz
“Do not cite the Deep Magic to me Witch. I was there when it was written.”
“Mister Candie, normally I would say “Auf wiedersehen,” but since what “auf wiedersehen” actually means is “’till I see you again”, and since I never wish to see you again, to you, sir, I say goodbye.”
3. Gimli vs 6. Sean Maguire
“Let them come. There is one dwarf yet in Moria who still draws breath.”
You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally… I don’t give a @#$% about all that, because you know what, I can’t learn anything from you, I can’t read in some @#$%ing book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I’m fascinated. I’m in. But you don’t want to do that do you sport? You’re terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.
4. Tom Hagen vs 12. Queenan
“Thank you for the dinner and a very pleasant evening. Have your car take me to the airport. Mr. Corleone is a man who insists on hearing bad news at once.”
“We have a question: Do you want to be a cop, or do you want to appear to be a cop? It’s an honest question. A lot of guys just want to appear to be cops. Gun, badge, pretend they’re on TV.”
Stranger and Stronger Region
1. Walter White vs 8. Eli
“Chemistry is, well technically, chemistry is the study of matter. But I prefer to see it as the study of change.”
Eli: It’s the flower of light in the field of darkness that’s giving me the strength to carry on. You understand?
Solara: Is that from your book?
Eli: No, it’s, uh, Johnny Cash, Live at Folsom Prison.
2. Jack Bauer vs 7. Hans Landa
“Do you know the difference between dying for nothing and dying for something? That’s why I’m still alive. That’s the only reason why I managed to stay alive in China, so I wouldn’t die for nothing. Today, I can die for something.”
“Sitting in your chair, I would probably say the same thing. And 999 point 999 times out of a million, you would be correct. But in the pages of history, every once in a while, fate reaches out and extends its hand.”
3. Bryan Mills vs 6. Ronald Spiers
I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
Ronald Spiers: You want to know if they’re true or not… the stories about me. Did you ever notice with stories like that, everyone says they heard it from someone who was there. But then when you ask *that* person, they say *they* heard it from someone who was there. It’s nothing new, really. I bet if you went back two thousand years, you’d hear a couple of centurions standing around, yakking about how Tertius lopped off the heads of some Carthaginian prisoners.
Carwood Lipton: Well, maybe they kept talking about it because they never heard Tertius deny it.
Ronald Spiers: Well, maybe that’s because Tertius knew there was some value to the men thinking he was the meanest, toughest son of a bitch in the whole Roman Legion.
13. Geoffrey Chaucer vs 5. Tommy DeVito
“For a penny I’ll scribble you anything you want. From summons, decrees, edicts, warrants, patence of nobility. I’ve even been know to jot down a poem or two if the muse descends. You’ve probably read my book? the Book of the Duchess? Fine. Well, it was allegorical.”
“No, no, I don’t know, you said it. How do I know? You said I’m funny. How the @#$% am I funny, what the @#$% is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what’s funny!”